A Hard Broken Heart
I think today I getting my period. Seeing GC going to the China table and start dating, now matter how hard I try to being friend and ignore the feeling, somehow it is feel sad for me. I try to reduce the feeling, try to look happy.
I am not chat her a lot, and its seem she also didnt chat me as well. Then, the word of using is right. Maybe she just using me ? Create a hallucinations when buying me water gun, protect my head when I pick up item. I know that, when I falling to someone and wanna chase them, I always being the one that hurt in the end because, who want to be with me ?
A ugly woman ?
So, I just need to love myself more than anything else.
Nothing special today. GC share a ice with me, and I put it in my tumbler. Most of the time, I think she not even focus in the topic at all. Still cant make any recharger for her as well. Now waiting salary to come, the day feel so long and I save up my break time. so, what gonna happen next ?
She ask me to send a “second person” request song to group but I ask my friend to do it, Did she do it on purpose or what ? Whatever happen, let is be. Its seem like very toxic for me.
A long wait finally end, and I had a salary finally for today. I decided to exchange 10.000b for every month as expense, and if I can get comissions, then it would be a safer in US Dollar for me.
A lot of people are resigning, I dont even know why but it was happen. There is no goodnight and no good morning from GC to me as well, which is kinda sad for me if I can say.
So, what is next by then ?
I am wondering, either I keep being kind and follow her and support her, or stop right here, right now ?
Everyday seeing the Chiness man walk in GC place, sending her something. And seeing how she not care and talk with me anymore, somehow it was so sad but when I decided to care, I will care it. But, when I am not, I think the best ways to do is pretend not to see and not to care at all.
That is it, and that is everything. Why would I care to someone who didnt care about me when they had someone new ?
Well, she may think she is everything because everyone try to get her, isnt it ?
Get salary, plan to take 10.000b for every month expense only. Seeing the China everyday walk into GC place, and now even she didnt talk with me and too busy with the new man, somehow it feel sad for me but, I also try to be busy and reduce my talk so I didnt think about her too much.
Nobody know what will happen in future, so let it be.
As for me, maybe the best things that I can do is work hard and earn well. Even walk 1 time she didnt want too, what is the point then ?
After not talking a long time, she come and ask me to go festival with her, which I said I didnt want to go because I know there gonna be a BF in there as well. So, better stay at home rather than torture myself, isnt it ?
She say she gonna be sad if I not come ? That is totally fake which I also know as well. Since there is only fake and fake and fake, I think the best things I can do is focus in my work and only that.
Still some month need to be spend, The good things to do is start to think and talk differently, so there is no feeling left behind. Really, didnt want to waste energy.
Tonight, she ask me to go again together. I know myself, even I wanted too, I decided not to go because I didnt want to hurt myself by what I seem. Its better to stay alone, walk and reduce the stress myself. I dont even know why I am sad and mad, but I decided to know my place.
Work hard, save up. Nobody will love you if you didnt love yourself first.
So, I just want to earn money, and wish one day, there will come someone who truly care for me as well.
