I am Beyond FIX

When life become a bit better, I always end up making it worse, over and over again, like I never learn anything at all.
If I keep doing what I am doing, how I can expect life can turn to be better ?

Keep messing up, repeating the circle, and end up with notihng because of greed.
Keep begging here and there, and when I can make it better slowly, I ruin everything in 1 day, and what is the point by then.

Seem like my brain doesnt working, and being in same circle for over 6 years ?
What should I call myself ?
I am wonder, why and how I expect to be better and fix everything, if all things that I do is just keep mess up like this ?

I think, I am beyond fix.
Staying home, working as scammer, and what else ?
Doing some trade to fix my problem, turn out I keep returning to the first place when I blow up everything.

I am beyond fix, no matter how many changes that I get, and how good I fix it, I always end up in the same circle.
Everyone who been good to me now see me like nothing.
Am I tired ?
I am beyond fix !

I understand what I am doing, and even I know it, I keep doing it.
What is wrong with me ?
I dont know anymore, I just really tired with everything and …. I dont even dare to dream about my own future !

Lies like this, make everyone think that my mom was death ?
What more worse that I can do ?
I am beyond fix, and I hate myself a lot because of it !

The more that I wanna be better, the deeper I ruin everything.
I am wonder, should I still call myself a human ?
I am beyond fix !