Losing the Momment

Its been a long time, since I finally back home, which is almost 1 years, back home, sleep in same bed, writing and doing nothing like the day when I am not gone yet.
Travelling and live alone sure change me a lot, as a human being.

Maybe,almost 1 month since the last time I am working, now I am enjoying my time, waiting to make a right decisions, and spending time at home with my parent.
Going for a little walk with mom, I notice she change a lot.

She had alzheimer desease, which I know there is no cure for it.
It can be worse anytimes, make me wonder, if I decided to go back work, am I gonna regret it ?
Should I back and stuck again in a situations that I try to avoid ?

Having lunch with mom and brother, seeing mom turning worse, more madness, more active, its hurt me. I am the person that went far, in hope that life will change, but turn out I just keep ruining my life over and over again.

I miss the time that I lose with my mom,
I keep regreting in the past when she still healthy,
A walk, a time and the right mom at the momment.

Listening to her,
Bathing her, seeing her scream everyday.
I am wonder, if I go once again, am I gonna regret it, or it would be a right choices ?

There is nothing I can do in there.
I have no friend,
I afraid to meet anyone.
I spend my time to eat, write and sleep.
Is this really the life that I wanted ?

Day by day pass by.
Now I am wonder, where this road gonna end ?

How long I can endure everything inside and pretend I am OK ?