Kindness that I am Not Expected

Its been more than 15 day since the work has been end, and there is a lot of raid everywhere.
I am worried about my friend, who still stay in Vietnam, and I really want to meet her as well.
Need to fix what I am doing and earning, I went into a messup life and try to get up again.

In this momment, I realize that I didnt had anyone anymore that will care for me.
Back home, seeing mom that get worse. I am not even being a good human yet and still keep rely in borrowing.
Merry is the one who help me, a lot.
Even I make a lot of mistake, somehow, finding her give me some of positive energy.

I know that I had nobody to ask anymore.
Deep down, I losing hope but trying to ask her once again, never expect she help me, the last time as well.
Compare to the person that I think close to me, I think what she do is a lot and I not gonna break her heart as well.

I dont know where this path gonna end, but I do miss what I do before back home.
This time, if I am going back, I think the best options for me is rent outside and live my own.
Just focus on work, clear my problem and be a better me as well.

If I can make $30 – 100 each day, I think I can save up and didnt need to work yet.
Since I am also losing almost all of it in a day, that is not a sure things to do and bet on.
Right now, since I know I had nobody to rely on anymore, I just want to be wise and not losing everything that I had as for my last breath.

Am I tired ?
Yes I am !
Now I feeling like gonna send back to Julie as soon as I can, but think again, it wouldnt be wise since I do it out of shame.

So, I gonna save up first, make sure I am stable and think about returning it to her as well.
So thankful had Fenny and Merry that care and help me more than I can expecting.
For that, I not gonna break their kindness and help.

I wish in future, that I can repay their kindness and be a better person day by day.
Tomorrow is my interview in passport, I just wish that I can do better, get my passport and plan for my trip as well.