Self Rewards Earlier Year

I buy myself a rewards, and I share some view to my family. Its seem like no sharing is better rather than sharing. I dont even know why my brother like that but from that, I think I know very well that better to not share at all, since there is no trust anymore in him.

Even in a war, and when I say I am on the run and ask for $100, he not helping me with anything at all.
So, it is what it is. Work as scammer, didnt had a friend, even a brother hurt me. I think the best choices and decisions is keep everything only for me.

Had nobody to share, keep everything for myself. I feel really lonely but I dont know how to express it out. Why sharing a things now feel so wrong ? Like, am I the worse human that ever been created by God ?

I am wondering myself. And I think stop shairng and caring is the best options for me to maintance this life. Try as best as I can to learn, grow and be dependence. I am not gonna rely my life into anyone anymore.
Just, complete the contract, get back , talk less. Whatever I do, now seem very wrong and it is what it is then.

Reading, try to get money from Monday to Friday, and waiting and wondering when she gonna talk with me, but its seem not gonna happen anymore. I also think today she may not give me any client as well, as per I know, I dont know why she hate me and didnt talk with me without any reason. Wish to spend time well here, get back, there is a mirror in my heart that hurt and bleed me out.

Drain me deeper and deeper until I dont know what to say and how to feel anymore. Lonely, boring, not even had a home to back. Only mom, I think in some point, but …
I just want to be a better me, get back, and wish that life can begin after my time end in here as well. What gonna happen next ? Nobody really know about anything, arent they ?

Almost end, reading broken string that Prisca send. I am talking only with Meng, as a khmer and today when took dine, Vannak try to talk with me but I am like, 120% ignore him because he ignore me without any reason first.

She make a sad status, I read it and put emoji in it. But I didnt text her, and she not text me, not even pick my number even once. Why I still repeat her status in my head like she talk about me ? While I know well, it was my own ego to make myself feel more better ?

So, nothing special. Just walk, listen to music. Cook some spicy, and didnt share with anyone about it. Deep down, I start to believe that the best things to do is do nothing at all. If it was good for me, it will be for me, If it was not, then there is nothing I can do, am I ?