Need to Be END and STOP

Since the last 5 years,, or maybe now 6 years. I keep doing the same things and repeat it again and again.
Paying debt, borrowing again.
I beg, I hope someone pity me, until I didnt know what else anymore.

There is some people who keep helping me, there is some people ignore me, some of them block me.
Any other block me for good.
So, am I ashame and mad at myself ?
Yes, I am.

Why it happen ?
Because it was my own mistake, being greedy too much.
Then I start to think, is that better if I never exist at all ?

I feel so ashame, and I dont even dare to face anyone.
Work as scammer, all my life is nothing and what else ?
I am so ashame of anything around me, especially when I see my mom and dad.

Why I am like this ?
Since I come to forex world, I not had a better life, but just keep mess up.
8month work as scammer, all the result is also gone to forex.

At this point, I think the best things I can do is stop everything.
So start from today, I decided after trying this last things, I will really stop to begging and borrowing money.
Can I do it ?

I am so done with myself, and I know there is nobody there anymore to help me.
So, if I didnt change myself, how long I gonna keep living like this ?

I need to stop this, and I MUST STOP IT !