Back to Where I Wanted to Leave

For a very short time, I think I can start my 34 with new hope and things and didn’t need to be back to where I come out for, the work that I am hate, and start a free life, by going anywhere, writing, and travel.
Turn out, here I am.

I am so lucky that somehow my brother buying M1, the MacBook from apple that I always wanted. Even it was second hand, and my brother buy it with cash and I can pay it in installment, back to the work that I wanna leave so bad, I am wonder, what is my future is really gonna be.

After spending 27 day in Thailand, amazingly I can back home and working again, even in same work and 1/4 my last salary. With many of new debts, I am wonder, did this time I gonna be better and survive, or all is just as same as before ?

I really didn’t want to be back to this kind of work, but its seem like I am ending up doing it over and over again. I even accept the 1/4 salary, with the same work pressure, and the different is just like, right now I am working from home, at least I can see my mom as well.

I don’t know what gonna happen next, but can have a laptop M1 after 3 years without laptop, I am so thankful and really wish, that I can fix my mess and never, ever do any mistake anymore.
Isn’t it sad ?

I don’t know how to talk about it, and how do I felt about it at all.
But, I think the best ways to get rid of this guilty feeling is just like, doing my best, as best as I can and live my life.

So, what people gonna think, what they gonna say about me.
I think the best things is not to think about it at all and that is it.
I just wish, my life can be better, and for those who look down on me, I do wish that one day, I can prove that I can be bette and fly high.