Its been so long, to not write my daily in this website.
Since I still can write it, I am so glad and thankful for everything in it. I have a chance, a real one and I think I may blow it up, again ?
Yes, greedy take me to where I am now, and I am about to repeat the mistake, again ?
Its so damn tired, its so damn painful. I am in the middle of event until Sunday, and I am not sell really well. I try to get some extra by up the price to buy some food. Is that illegal things to do ?
I am wonder, if I fail again because of my own freedy, what is gonna happen ?
I talk to Lyn recently, I wanna join her going outside Indonesia to work. At least, I can work extra hard and make things better in life. I get a lot of chance but I am about to blow it up again and again.
Am I tired ? Yes, I am tired like hell.
Leaving my mom for 1 weeks, selling candle and wish people come and buy it, is it silly ?
Selling candle, blow up the money and stressed out because I cant pay it off later.
The debts is for 1 years, and the friend money is also count as a debt.
I dont want to keep doing that, but more I try more I sink, and its so damn tired.
I already realize thst where I am today is because of my own mistake, that I keep repeat it again and again.
And the fact that I am still repeat the mistake is meaning that I am love my life more anymore. I think that I am right, but turn out ? I just blow off my life again.
I hope that I can fix every mistake that I am ever make in life, but in reality, I just keep blowing things up again and again. If things is going to be like this, no matter how much and many help that I get, I am still be the same, and nothing will be change in the end.
Old parent, poor life, jobless and keep blowing up everything.
Am I gonna be OK in the very end, and am I gonna back to normal in my life ?
I am wonder, and I just wish that I am gonna be OK and fine in the end.
Having no friend is not a real issue, I am used to be in loneliness.
I dont want to open up a lot too, I dont want to hurt myself and put a lot of hope in people anymore.
The time that I am blow with other people, I am wonder how wonderful it is if I love my family more in the past.
So, all I can think and dream of right now is I can fix my problem, I can back to my normal life.
I can pay off the debts, I can make them proud of me.
I just tired of being the foolish and shameless me, and I really hope that I can really chance to be better person.
