Having fever, got my period. I eat less and less and over think of everything. Really, there is nobody there to help me anymore if things really goes wrong once again. Feeling so ashame today.
Taking mom in new hospital next day, I wish that my fever will going to be better. Have a lot of debts, no job, and also this only one things that make me happy will be gone soon too.
Am I really ruin my life ?
I am feel so lost.
Buying kimbap, watching and do some trade. I really want to join at some event but there is nobody asking me. Having some due payment, loan to be paid soon too, I really wish that things will get better, but I just sink more deeper and deeper.
I sending some VC to 4kim, and the answer is not good. I think at this point, I am not gonna ask 4ku for some pity. Asking another people also out of choices. Wenny and Merry helping me, Carla just ignore me like other, and Fenny become the person who help me again and again even it was a little.
I am so ashame of myself. Still alive and keep breathing, people see me as nobody and nothing. I try to make things right, but I just make it worse each day. Try hard to fix it, and I ruin everything. But God still keep me around.
I also sending text to Tin2, wishing there will be a job for me. She not reply until now.
What is gonna happen next ?
I really dont know, because all I do riight now is try to survive each day.
Old parent, jobless child and full of debts like me, the more that I want to make them proud, the more I hurt them and ruin everything.
Its been more than 5 years now, can I still surviving this ?
