Being so wonder why this website is still on. I am due 1 week and not like before, I still can write in here and open the web. I am wonder, is this a miracle from God so I can keep company and write down how I feel each day ?
I went to church like usual Sunday. The first morning in 7 AM.
I am scare enough for Monday, because I really need to talk to my dad for some money, and for sure it is a very last time I decided to asking too.
What is gonna happen ? He gonna give me ? He refuse to give me ?
I am sure bike bank will come Monday and also some loan is due Monday.
If my own dad didnt want to help me out, I guess it is what it is then, isnt it ?
Whatever happen, today is a unknown, even I am spending it like usual. Watching, play some game and do nothing that bring and make money. I like to write, and I really wish that I can get income from my writting.
Even I feel ashame and in pain, I will ask my dad. My trauma from childhood make eme scare to ask for anything, especially about money. I am asking his sister, which I call Ako, and Ako telling him.
He kind of angry, then ask me how much do I need. Ako sending his text, telling that she will send it to him when she back to Singapore. I dont know how to start the conversasion on Monday, but I hope and truly believe that whatever happen, is all good and on God plan.
It may be hurt, but I start to talk with dad. Before what happen to me, I am rarely at home and talking to him. While I am jobless and borrow money here and there, I am starting to talk bit by bit. And I wish this gonna be the last time I become pain in the ass for him.
Growing into 33, now dad is 70+ and mom is almost 70. Keep asking them for help is really shame. I wish, I really wish that God bless everything that is about to happen from today to next and next too.
I am wonder how the story gonna end, arent you ?
Thinking about it make my heart ache and my hand shaking, but ..
I really wish this is the last time I am doing that, and may God bless the rest of my life.
Today I got some verse when I really feel on edge of my life, is saying :
“For God, who said, ” Let light shine out of darkness.”
2 Corinthians 4 : 6
I really hope, in my darkness and strunggle for more than 5 years, there will be the light that shien upon me and family that can bring us to be a better version in Christ. May all the good come and waste away the darkness.
