1 week before I am born, and yes I ask 4 people in the morning and I find out there is nobody there that will help me out anymore. Isnt it ashame ?
I been jobless more than 2 years, and when mom ask me how I can still eat and do things ? I am alone wonder about it.
Isnt it scary ? Keep a living like this ?
Drink more and more pill, my heart feel so heavy right now. I am not eating well, I lose my appetite every day. I have lose the purpose to living this life.
Who to talk back then ?
talking with my brother, he saying that I cam complain.
I wanna to sell something, but I dont have money to make it happen. Wanna join some event, I cant pay the rent.
Wanna get back to work, there is no call until today.
If I get a chance for the event, I dont have item to sell.
Nobody to ask anymore, I am all alone and its sad.
May I go and buy some pill and drink it over night ?
Killing myself that God love so much ?
I hate everything that I do, and I dont know why.
I thinking back then, when brother is busy in game, not going to work and study well, spend time in front of his computer. Now I know how it feel, and deep down ? He may feel hurt too.
Its only 1 week before my birthday, the promise that I make to myself, that I never repeat the circle anymore ?
Ah well, what I can do to keep surviving back then ?
Wanna take mom out, but I dont have money and proper ride.
Wanna cook something good, I dont have money to buy food.
For all people from thr world, it is so hard to find someone that willing to help me anymore.
So, from the bottom of my life, I trust everything in God.
Can I pass my 33, or I become to tired and let devil win my strunggle ?
Maybe, just maybe..
Is he know this morning ?
I am wonder, and I am scare. What kind of daughter I am right now ?
