Another Saturday again. I remember really well the last night, the night when I am started to doubt about God, when I am almost lose everything. Malam yang menentukan nasibku hari ini, dan malam yang terasa begitu panjang sampai I drink xanax to sleep.
I put a lot of timer, and none of them wake me, except in 3am, when I open my eyes, and I know maybe I already lose everything but I am not. Until the very morning, everything become blue. Its amazing, and really, God save me.
For some people, maybe its just like a plan that predictable. But for me, its kinda of miracle, because that night, I saying to God like, are you real ? are you there ?
I have nothing, I have nobody anymore. And only you that can save me.
I decided to go sleeping, not like the other day, when I open my eyes and not sleep even just a while.
I just hope, from now and go on, I can be more more wisely and really do the right and not repeat the mistake again and again.
There is a lot of list and dream that I love to do. Even I am tired, and I know there is a very long way, somehow I just know that I am gonna make it. I will make it, because I am like a lost lamb and God, never tired to guide me.
Meskipun terkadang aku bebal and so often I walk in different path, God never tired to guide me to the right path, again and again, no matter how many time I am questioning his. He just there, again and again, he always be there.
Bit by bit like what my mom used to say, I must doing it slowly but surely. I am not gonna walking alone and by my own understanding, even its not gonna be easy and even I am not perfect, I trust everything in God.
And for sure, one day I can tell the world about my story. How I was lost, and I am found once again. Its not easy, but I am gonna make it out.
There is nothing else anymore, except to make it out from darkness.
