After Sundari save me in Thrusday, its just took 1 o 2 day of peace, and I am back to zero again. I asking Sundari again, and yes, she mad maybe, she rejected it. Also try to ask Joni, and the result is the same too.
I pay internet, with the money that I left. And with this 70, I am wonder if I am gonna make it. I trust in God, and daripada I am thinking who is gonna help me, I am thinking what is my life story gonna be.
Isnt it sad, keep strunggle in the same circle and keep doing the shameless things ?
There is only God that left for me, and I dont know what else that I can do anymore. I am jobless, I have no friend, I cant ask family. so pity to see myself like this.
For some people, its just a easy money. Its enough to torture me because I have nothing left. While I am keep saying that, why I am not trying to get a job and start over ?
I dont even know how anymore. My world is ruin, and I keep blaming myself for that. I am about to turn into 33, and all I can do is beg for borrowing ?
I cant imagine what and why I am doing this.
I want to take my mom on ride, I wanna buy her a lot of thing. I want to enjoy the time that I am throw away while I am good and not like this. I am ashame, a lot. And more I try to fix it, more I am drown into darkness.
God hold me by my right hand. I am tired, and I am trying really hard to make things right. But all that I do is keep making it wrong and worse. I am dying in my economy strunggle, and … I really hope that I am not giving up that easy.
Everyone scare of me. My family doesnt believe me anymore too.
Is that gonna be like my childhood dream, when I think my life is not gonna pass 35 ?
There is a lot of dream, and .. I really want to make it happen.
Asking ako will make her tell dad, which become big problem.
Asking uncle will result the same.
Asking friend, there is nobody else left.
Asking God, the only one I trust and can count on.
Whatever it is. I just keep living. I keep living until the very end.
A bank, a debt collector, a friend loan.
A daily needs and food.
Its like .. a challenge that I must empower.
