Losing Mine is Better than Losing Other

New month finally come, and I put all $30 into trial again. This time, I didnt wish a lot, just doing normal, and whatever happen, just need to wait another 13 day to be pass. Is that right to give up, or keep trying until I finally make it ? I wonder.

One things that I can learn is, when someone is not good for us. When we already felt too much uncomfortable by them, there is always a ways that God give us, that make us finally can cut them off from our life.
I decided to finally block them, ignore them, so at least less drama, too much toxic.

Maybe she think I sending her a fake transactions, and whatever it is, I just know the real character of the person, that not everyone can be in our cup of life. Just share less, and no need to explain anything, if that person is a negative one.
I just want to spend 13 day in peace, can pay off my debts and loan in time.

What gonna happen with this $30 that I just put in today ?
Am I gonna end up with $10 left until 15 in month, or can I make a little bit ?
If I put it inside, its mean I am ready for whatever that may happen, isnt it ?

Maybe it didnt seem wise, to put on the last things that I had to survive, but I do realize that asking and borrowing someone money to trying again and again is more bad than put it in what I had left.

I do realize what I do wrong this whole time, and there is nothing that I can do to fix it, except promise myself to be better.
So, while writing this, I may felt so panic because the candle goes side ways, but it is what it is, when I put it in, mean I am ready if I may losing it in the end, isnt it ?

Dad going today since morning, and there is only me and mom in home. Need to think about what is lunch and dinner, since I didnt cook today.
And I do wish someone pay me back today as well, but if she is not, then I just need to make sure that I gonna be OK.

Losing my own $30 is better rather than losing $100 other people money.
I just didnt want to keep adding the debts, and going to market today is like a decisions with a hope that I can make a little bit. But if I gonna lose it again today, let it be as well.

I do remember what Anson told me, the last time I am asking help from him.
He cleary told me,
“It is not that I cannot help you. But if I keep help you, you will always think there is someone else that will help, and you will never changes and be better !”

Yes, it is hurtful but also make sense.
So, the things that I can do start from this month is that I less depend to other, and wish I can be wise so I can pay my debt on time, and have a little saving in a impossible ways.

How ready I am today, to start this month by losing $30, or should I say the rest that I had ?
I dont know either, but I just wish that I can survive the rest of 13 day.
What matter is that I can put food in table, and that is it.

All I wanted to do right now is stop keep repeating the same circle, which is asking for help, with a hope that I can use it to make some income.
I just dont want to keep adding the debts list and that is it.

So, whatever gonna happen today to my $30, I just wish that I can survive until 15.
I do really want to get out from this field of work, and I do wish that I can make it.