Monday is Scariest Day Now

Time surely went by so quick, and everyday is felt the same. The more I try to make things better, the more it ruining.
Raining day, sitting in front of the house, scare of Monday that things gonna turning bad.

Today mom is little mad, eat a little and sleep after.
Nothing special happen, I wonder, is this peaceful day gonna long last ?
I wonder, am I gonna end up in the same hole over and over again ?

Scare about what might be happen, keep doing the same mistake as well.
Just wish to pass this week and pay off some earlier month loan, and rest in peace until the next salary come.

I try to have a friend from thread, but its seem like what I send is never gonna had any reply, also not even a little friend.
Can I even make the trip in that country that I already bought the ticket ?

A lot of feeling that I cant express, ashame, feeling bad.
Today my friend make baby shower and I not even can attend, and also had a debt from 1 of them.
Just wish that I can repay it as soon as I can, since there is only 8 people left.

I dont know how to make things right, and when I keep thinking about to end the things, I just cant get rid of it, and end up by keep making the same mistake that make me losing anything.

Is Monday gonna be another day of stressfull day ?
I really want to end things and make a peace with whatever I am dealing with.
Is that even possible ?

I also try to save some of my client, but its seem he make his own decisions by keep top-up the apps, which I know there is no ways out at all.
Some people want to talk with me, but sooner after seeing me, he blocked me.

Its true, some people only care to a beautiful woman.
Is the people like me gonna get notice or even a chance just to be friend with ?
I am wonder, am I gonna be loved ?