People come and go.
The strong will stay, same like the stupid one. People stay because they didn’t have a choices, and people stay because they can fight it.
Ah !
Sometimes, when I am working, I think that I become stupid when I already stay too long. There is look like no future for me if I still staying but, I dont know why I also didn’t choose to leave yet.
Did you ever think that something is bad and you should leave ?
But in fact, you do nothing and keep going on the track ?
Yeah, many people are like that.
Didn’t leave with a lot of reason and it kill them inside.
I sit in table and writing a lot of stories. Sometimes I write about mine but I using a fake name on it. I write my life on it and also… With a fake name again. Nobody know what is true or false, and nobody know how I really feel when I am telling some story.
Today, I am sitting and eat as well.
I see people start to decor a table. Maybe that is for ‘bride to be’ party.
People took table and do many things. And here I am, sitting alone and writing plus thinking.
It will be 8 years stay in there,
More year passed and nothing are really changes on my life.
I can live from working in there but… I don’t feel anything better. Worse of that, I feel more desperated.
When I was on high school, I have a dream that I will got married on my 26 or 28 max. And look what life took me so far. I doing nothing and I never date a boy all of my life so far.
I am working, do some hobby and watching. And that is how my day pass.
I love to try how to be like another girl.
Have a bestfriend to sit and create something. To tell some stupid story and do some stupid things too.
I never had it, and if I am having it, that because they are feel pity about me.
Try to be nice and kind.
Have nobody to talk at home like other people.
What I really want in my life ??
Spend it all to nothing ?
Oh no !
I am helping people with writing.
Everytimes I look at other people life. I think mine was more good than other. God loves me and that is the fact ! Even I never go to church or anything else.
I am still alive and breathing.
I feel shame and stupid, but I am try to look strong. At least, strong enough to stand by my own to fight this life and unfair.
Nothing will be better when I am choose to keep regret on past or give up.
Even that was hurtful, I am trying to make a living and keep live until today.
So,
I am really wonder.
How my life will keep going ??
Am I the one who allowed this happen to me ??
No !
I am trying to fight and I know, in the right time, God will show me the way.
It was sad to be me and …
I prefer to keep everything in my head.
My head hurt so my heart feel the same too.
But, what can I do ??
Crying like a baby ??
I am staying strong because I know that everything happen in my live have a reason. I not on my limit so I still can fight until the end.
Feeling strong or become stupid, That is a word that how I am really feel right now.
But, choose to be strong is my answer right now.
People may know my name,
They maybe know my home and what my job.
But, nobody really know how I feel inside my body.
This is me !
And I am also the one who must stay strong because nobody care about me except my own self.
Self respect !
Is my weapon to fight…
This…
CRUEL WORLD !
