Perfect Happiness ?

What do I want actually ? 
A peaceful morning, a coffee with a view, a consistance income everyday and without any debts in my list.

Wake up in morning, dizzy.
Wondering if I can survive another 12 day until salary.
Wondering if I can make things right later.
Wondering if I should stop or keep trying.

Living but felt like dying.
Keep losing with a hope that I can make it out one day.
Repeating it again and again,
Then I didnt know anymore why I didnt give up, yet.

Keep repeating the same pattern for 7 years.
Time goes, time flies.
How I even still breathing and survive until now ?

I stop praying,
Wondering what I eveb pray for.
Losing hope, losing directions.
But never losing my hope and trust in God.

Scream father, crying mother, angry brother.
I dont know what to felt and reach.
A happy family ?
What is it ?

2 month left and the number will change.
26 gone, 27 is about to come.
What progress that I even made ?

I want to quit,
I dont want to keep dealing with this field of work.
I just wish this time that I will make it.

With the little that I had,
I put everything that I earn into it.
This time, 
I promise myself that I am gonna make it.

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