On Your Own

Like what I know and felt, there is always back into the day that I would lose everything in a day.
And from that, there is something that I learn a lot, that no matter life has throw me, I only had myself and my own way of living.

I make more than 10k USD for my boss this month, and what sad me is when I ask for advance $200, he say yes and not sending it to me until today, which make me keep sending text to him but today I decided to stop sending text anymore.

Dad going out earlier, which leave me and mom now in room. She been sleeping, and if I can say, there is a lot of regret inside my heart that I cannot fix, and today since morning, she is more calming than the day before, which make me a bit at ease too.

With 7 people on my debts list, a money around 800k IDR in bank account and $60 to be make more or gone, I need to wait until 15 and I wish, before I turn into 35, I will really stop the work in this field and already paying off all the debt that I had in the list as well.

I feeling so sad and useless, and the more I want to fix things, the more I drawn deeper and deeper.
I want to take a mom in ride with mini car, but I dont had anything to buy it at all.
Even my boss make me beg and not even help me at all.

I do know what make my life being like this is my ownself, which I keep repeat the same mistake from 7 years and hope that will gonna change and be better.

There is always someone to be blame, and lately I come to my sense that my own problem is on my own mistake and greedy, which if I didnt change it, then things will never get better.

Cut off the circle from lend, pay and lend and pay.
Even it was hard, I do know that I can make it, because if I didnt stop this circle, then life will be always being a living nightmare for me.

I am on my own !
So, the only way out is survive !