Meet Old People in Morning

Like what I been thinking, all the happiness is never last long. Just need 2 – 3 day and the next day all will be gone.
Maybe the wrong is on me, but truly this is just the circle that keep repeating around me, which make me tired of everything.

Mom is calming today, even she didnt want to eat a lot like usually. Drink meds, going to bed and sleep again.
I went to take noodle in breakfast, meeting Salim, the person that once time I lend money and he ask to return it quickly, and luck for me I already pay it all back before.

When I finish my eating, I meet my last uncle, which talk a lot and seem us like a very useless person.
He greet me and ask me when I been back, and I just say I back 2 week ago, and will go again next month as well.
Really didnt had any interest of talking with all of them at all.

After 21 day pass, finally Yaya reply my text and give me her bank account, which I say that I will repay it bit by bit too.
I dont know what may happen next, since 15 is still far away from my eyes, but thankfully I didnt need to think about motorbike rent anymore.

In the age of 34, without any saving and only rely and waiting for salary to come, without asset and old parent, and rent house, life feel so tired and sad. Seeing many people in my age has been success, seeing me in mirror somehow bring a great pain that I dont know how to express it out.

I never imagine my life will end up like this, which I know the main villian in this is also me.
Somehow, the more I want to fix it, the more I fail in it.
After spending almost 7 years dwelling in this, did the table gonna turn ?

Never had someone that love me, didnt know how it felt to be loved.
Am I even had a bestie ?
I dont think soo, since I was poor and everyone just walking pass me.

If you ask me about what do I want, there is something that I want.
I want to make things better, earn and repay all my debt this year and buy a nice mini car so I can take my mom around.
Fixing the time that I been waste for nothing, with the hope that there is not “too late” word in it.