Day by Day, Hope A Better Day

Another day pass by, everything is felt so same and like nothing change at all.
Working, spending time dealing with mom, sometimes peace, sometimes worse.

Today, she been sleeping alot, maybe because the sleeping pill she took yesterday night. She eat a little and I know maybe she suffer when she eating something.
There is a lot of regret in myself, which I cant undo but I also cant fix.

Suddently, the feeling come, I remember the day when everything still a bit better, when I still had car, when both dad and mom visiting me in their motobike, I didnt even open the door for them, which I regret a lot these day.
The memories that suddently come and torture me a lot in my silent.

Do I hate myself ?
Even when I think I didnt had anyone anymore that care, there is someone out there, that not close to me, help me a lot and understand all matter.
What happen when she know some of the lies that I made ?

Lately, I can earn very good, and maybe its just for some day, because I always end up losing it all again.
I dont know, but feeling like its not gonna change to be a better day in many ways.

What gonna happen next ?
Keep repeating the same circle, a bit happy when I can repay some amount to person and repeating it again.
I do wish I can do better and make everything better.

I want to buy a mini car, take my mom on ride again.
Paying off all debt, with the hope that I can stop this kind of work and live a good life.

Old parent, rent house with no saving in my mid 30, is life still wonderful like it supposed to be ?
I am wonder, how strong I been build, that I can stand like this strong until today ?