Just A Dream

Over and over, everything end up very same like the first time 6 years ago.
Am I gonna end up with nothing for my whole life, or there is something that really can change my whole life ?
I am wonder, no matter how I try, I always end up in same place.

The last 6 years, I ruin all my life. I didnt had anyone, I didnt even had a trust from my brother and my family scare of me.
And friend ? I really didnt had anyone at all.

I stress out because of the amount that maybe for other people, they make worse than me.
I dont know, the more I try to make it better, the more I felt like there is something wrong and the more I want to fix it, the more I drawn.

Am I gonna survive ?
Am I gonna keep in the same hole, and just live for nothing, without knowing what is happiness anymore ?

The same mistake, or maybe worse, I try my best not and never ask anyone anymore because if I keep asking help, then there is never end, and all I can get is just being shy, shameless and useless in front of everyone.

Maybe my score will be bad, but what else can I do ?
I just didnt had any, anymore.
So, the best that I can do is just wait and wish that one day, even it just a dream, I can get through it.

Will it gonna be a dream, or will it gonna be real in life ?
I am wonder, can I really get out from this, and what should I do to make it happen ?
Because the more I try, the more I get draw over and over again.