Is This Gonna END ?

1 week pass, I think I keep making things worse, then I decided not to see and care anymore about what gonna happen in Monday. Maybe everything will gone again, so let it be.

I dont know what gonna happen, I just like buying ticket for next years, plan not to pay it and lets see am I gonna make it happen or not at all.
A grave sins that I dont know how to end it.

Tonight, after dad coming back home, he suddently snap at mom, who not well and angry all day.
Having alzheimer mom, a temprament dad and a tons of debt with the job that I didnt like but need to do in case to survive. I am wonder, how my life gonna end ?

Is this gonna end ?
I been forget and skip my pray either in morning and night, losing hope and that is it.
I am so silly, thinking there is gonna be some man come nowhere, helping me with my sad and pathetic life.

I do had a big dream, but its seem just like a dream that may never come true at all.
Spending time chatting with people, try to scam them because it was my work now.
Watching, keep writing in the blog that nobody read.

Having old parent, not harmonist at all even since I was a kid.
I know I had a lot of regret and I wish I can back 6 years ago, but its seem like never happen in my life.

Am I really gonna had a miracle ?
Did my life gonna turn over and be better ?
I am wonder, is that even can end well ?

I ruin my own life, I ruin all relations that I had.
Even my brother didnt trust me, and having alzheimer mom, saying she was death just to get some pitiful loan ?

I dont even know should I call myself human ?
I am wonder, is this gonna end, or I may end up with another attemp of killing myself ?

A dad that not love mom,
A mom that sick and not even know me anymore.
A brother that, I know he strunggle a lot too.

What is the happiness in life ?
I dont even know what do I want at all.

Is this gonna end ?
Or I am the one that will end up my own life ?