I always hate a man side this whole time, but this morning I find something that actually make me sad. More I grow and become a woman, more my parent grow older. They start to forget a things, they fight like usually but they just a human that still trying to protect us (me and brother) like a kid.
Lately, we are so busy because we must get out from our old home that been with us more than 30 years. It is kinda sad and it also show us that everything need money. People can kick you out in no time and no matter how good you are at the neighbour, you just rent a place and there is nothing you can do to fix it if that is happen. Except…. go away and find another place to stay too.
After we change our house, we start to live in that and try to bring some old item into new house. It is a lot of effort and hard work, of course. But, the new home is kinda good and I dont know.. Maybe my dad boss want to pay this house for him ? Well, let see what can happen in 1 years time.
What make me sad is not because my mom still talking negative and make a fight with dad. My brother also the one who is really annoying but that is OK. I can deal with him.
I just hate when he talk like he is the clever one, make my parent mad and angry but.. It is just the circle of life at least. No fight mean no life, right ?
So, I went to bathroom this morning and the first step that I am walking in is I saw something I must saw. I think it was my mom, since she is the one who always forget everything. But, when my dad come and I talking to him about that, he say that he was forget to clean it. It is kinda sad, not funny but it is a deep sad for me. He forget the most important thing after what he doing in bathroom. He is near 70 and I know.. I really know that he already doing enough. Even he was lazy and always get angry for everything, he just a human too.
He didn’t choose they life he had, right ?
I just sad and mad at my self because all I can do this whole time is make them worried. I don’t know how much I can make different but I really want to try to make a better life for them.
It is just sad that I have a lot of problem that I try to solve this whole time, never pay attention to them and what can I say ?
They’re getting older and older and what I do this whole time ?
I hate my self sometimes..
I want to fix it, I want to make it better and all I can hope for is a better life because I know that God is good. All the time, he is good. No matter how bad I am and what sins I made everyday. He is always there, guide me and give me a lot of miracle that I am not even realize this whole time.
