Ah, its almost end of June, and its amazing that I can still write in this web. I am wonder, if I cant pay anymore, will they keep this or delete this web forever ?
I really want to pay it, but I just dont have that kind of money.
Having fever, with my 50 USD in pocket. I dont think about future anymore. Just get by day by day and hoping everything will be OK.
Company old parent, cooking for them. Jobless with a lot of debts, I am losing my future.
I am so lost, really lost. I dont even know how to fix my life, but I still try to believe in God promises, that future is real, and in the right time, God will make everything happen. I just wish that I can be strong enough until that day.
Looking at my parent, I supposed to be useful child but I just not. I ruin my life, I have no friend, and my family hate me. I want to take mom in hospital that real far, and I dont know where and who to ask for rent a car for free.
I mean, I know they will reject me. I think using taxi gonna be better, and all I can wish is the hospital dont cancel any of it when we are arrived, and mom can get MRI well.
Poor, jobless and no friend, I hate myself more than people can see.
Brother say that I am selfish, I am shameless. And the real is I feel that shame more than I can say in word. I choose to keep everything inside, its better than saying a word out. I am also dont want to keep repeat the circle, asking and borrow money. I am so tired, and real done for it.
What is gonna happen next ? I am wonder.
If God can feed 5k people with only 2 fish and 5 bread, He can do more in my life.
The life that supposed to be wonderful, and I just ruin everything in it.
Its so amazing that I can still write in here. And all I can wish is they dont delete my website forever, at least give me some month, so I can try to pay it off.
But, if they delete it, its mean it is what it is, isnt it ?
I really want to pay anything, but I just dont have the money.
Lie like in home working, spending day by day without going out or talk to anyone except mom, I just wish, really wish that I can get through all of it.
Dad that old and company mom that become like a child once. I am who useless and make dad shame in front of a lot of people. I hate it much but I just dont know how to fix it. Because, more I try to fix, more I sink and make things worse.
So, I wish nothing but to be strong enough to make things better.
I just wish this website will still be there until I can pay it, and I wish everything gonna be better.
