Ah, I am turning 33 this day. And the only first person that saying happy birthday to me until this post being post is only Sumi. She send it in morning 4am. The one who I think I will never be able to talk again because what happen, become the first one that saying that.
Its because she open fb, but also I dont know. Its hurt, actually. I am gonna be OK.
I cook some sauce chicken with tofu and egg, and I am planning my own birthday dinner alone. I dont know where to eat, but I already have my octa jacket as a present to myself. Isnt it cool ?
Look at mom, sitting alone and talking alone, its hurt my heart. I wanna give her a ride, the time that pass by and I am never really take her out for a long way ride. I just hope this years, I can make it happen too.
Ako doesnt send me any text too, I am not hoping anymore. Anson also dont reply anything, and there is only me, who sit by, watching, play game, and do some trade to make a living with a hope that I am gonna survive and make it out.
Become 33, I see so many of my friend already have a family. Some of them do adventure and not have financial problem. I dont know much but I just see in my view. Even my friend since I was at school, right now is scare even to wish me a happy birthday word.
Well, we never really know what is gonna happen in a month. Not in a month, even in a day, everyday can change fastly. I start to learn that I am gonna be OK, with or without someone help. I put all my trust in God, and try to be honest starting now.
Am I scare ?
Oh yeah, I am scare, a lot.
But, I know that worry and scare doesnt fix anything and I should learn to love myself even more and more starting 33, so I can forgive myself and do better in the future.
I am not expect to be fail, but this is just my life journey. Am I strong enough to walk through it, or I just give up in the middle of the road ?
Lets see, I am hurt a lot and I think at this point, there is nothing more that can scare me and hurt me more than what is already happen.
