Just 2 day left I am turning 33. I remember each year, I am so happy about it and wonder what I am gonna get. But, since this 5 years gone, I am not hoping for anything anymore, just a single pray that I can pass it well.
I wanna asking and reminder Ako again, but I am scare that I am become annoyed to her. I know I am too old to asking for that, and I just dont know what to do anymore. I wish that I can be more wise, and I really want to pay off all my debts, start over my life and do better.
I blow up a lot of things, and I hate myself because of that. Its look like I am never learn from anything, and I am not feeling alive anymore. All is my mind is a fantasy if and if, and I really wish nothing except some miracle that will turn myself around in my 33.
A lot of mistake that I am trying to fix, but I am end up making some more. I make a lot of people hate me, I make many people disappointed in me, and I really hate all of it as well. Can I fix it ?
I am scare, but I am just keep on living, even I dont want too.
I have nobody to ask, I only think that Ako gonna be the one who save me. I have this weird future view, when I am getting back on my foot, when I am visiting her each 3 or 4 month and stay by her side when she is old. Is that all my dream, or its just my imagination that try to keep me on living ?
I am not dare to dream of anything, anymore too.
Even ming evade my text and not reading them anymore. I am more than ashame, I hate everything that I am doing until this very day, and I am endure it all. How long can I endure everything inside ? Isnt it better to let it all out ?
I am block 2 people from dad phone and I am feel so bad about it. I wish that I am not doing it, but I am too scare if they telling dad again, its killing me, especially when I know how much dad love me no matter how bad I am become.
2 day left, what will gonna happen ?
Am I gonna make it ? I know that I will.
I jsut need to endure it more day, endure it more and more, until the very end of it.
