Another week pass, its just 1 more week until I turning into 33. What progress that I am already make ? I decided to change, and I decided not to scare and worry to much about what my life will be, and I decided to trust more in God and hope that things will get better little by little.
Mom is good, sometimes she mad. I get mad too sometimes, and I regret it too. Dad seem not to care much about mom, and I still prepare food to eat. What gonna happen next ? I dont know, but I am not gonna be greedy and ruin my life.
Its 100$ in my pocket, with a lot of wish, and dream and debts to be paid. Am I have idea ?
No, I am not. But I still plan everything. Because, I trust that God will fulfill me with unexpected way. Its not like I am pray and I get money, its more like I am doing some trade and wish I take a right step.
Scare and worry doesnt change anything in my life that I already ruin 5 years ago. So, I decided to learn about faith and write down every bit of the change of my life in here. My blog is not popular, I dont have any income from this too and yes, I keep paying the bill each 3 month and years.
At least, I have some place to write down every single things that I felt.
I dont care if people say that I am lonely enough, because I am alone in my deepest life, and there is only dad and mom who stay with me. The person that I deceived most become the person who I value more than anything.
Brother still have trust issue with me, and I am not blaming him because he already be kind enough to me in my worse time. Its me who still crawl in the hole and hurt him, and all I wish is I can be better and fix what I already broke, even that I know it may not comeback to be how it use to be.
Its Monday, and I dont want to make any sad story and wish this week I can do more better bit by bit too.
Am I scare and worry ? Of course I am, but I decided not to think more about it, because it just make me cant sleep well. Worry more didnt change what happen, isnt it ?
Trust more, believe more.
When I am useless and not worth in other people life, I know somehow that God love me and protect me until this very day and go on.
So, its me, who try to survive and be much better each day.
