I am not learning anything for the last 5 year, and God still love me in unexplained way. Can I pass my 33 ?
Or, should it be something that I do something extreme in my life ?
Whatever it is, I still believe that everything gonna be OK. I just wish that I can really do better and better each day.
I hide behind my prayer, while I am keep doing the same mistake each day. NO matter how many time God helping me, I just me, who want to repay something but ending with losing a lot. Is this the life that I really wanted so bad ? Or, it is just how my life will be end ?
I promise myself since all I have is trust in God and my 85$. I am not gonna take any movement, and I just wish that from what I have, I can make it better, even little by little, or I should just wait and see until everything is settle. I jsut wish that I can repay my debt, buy a car, open a shop and have a roadtrip.
Seeing mom in motorcycle with me is hurt me. I know that I am wrong enough when I am never make a time to her. Now, I spend all my day with her, sometimes if I can get some extra, I took her out to eat or drink. She must be tired in motorcycle, and I wish that I can give her a ride in car sooner.
Looking at her, sitting, talking about her past. I remember when the first time she ask me for money and I am not giving it to her. To busy spending it with friend, never care about her. I hate myself for it, and I know Satan try to make me killed myself by it. Its my very bad past and I know for sure, God give me a chance to make it better.
12 day before I am turning 33. What is gonna be ?
A much better life, or the end of my every story ?
Whatever it is, I really wish that I can do things right, and make things better day by day.
I am greedy enough and lose more than I can afford,
In my deep sea, in my lowest life, who is gonna stand by me and care for me ?
I am wonder, but I know for sure, that God will always be there for me.
