Thursday again ! Its middle of May and 1 week from now, I am turning into 33.
What I have in my mind ? I really want to be better and never repeat what I am doing this whole time. I really wish that slowly I can get better and do better, so I can make my parent proud.
Dad is kinda angry everytime I saying something like buying chicken or other things. Brother is still cruel but not really cruel, but I know since what happen before, he lose his trust in me. Mom in the other side is still the sad one in my eyes, because I cant take her in a ride with car, and she never complain when we went out with motorcycle.
I know she may be tired using helm, being in road that really hot and hard enough to get up and down the motorcycle. There is so many things that I am regret but I am not live in the past. I really want to make peace with it, and hopefully, this years I can buy a car. I really want to do the things that I am not doing while I have a lot of things.
Its just 2 day to get some income and I hope I am not make any mistake by getting greedy or something like that anymore. I just want to make progress slowly, and my target in May can get done. Wish people who lend me will understand and not force me about anything too.
I hate myself more than enough and I try my best to live in it. Let go of the past is not easy but its worth it to give a try. Having my car, having my dream shop and going around the world to write and share what I been through. I wish that God bless me and use me to do good things ahead.
I am not gonna using prayer as an excuse anymore when things go south. I know I do a lot of wrong things, which I can undone. But I hope, really hope, that I take a lesson about it and become more than better each day. I am scare, yes I am. But, as long as I walk with God, I truly believe that everything gonna be OK.
Still, I cant believe that I can pass 4 day without make any trouble when I am at event. I am not speaking with them who hurt me, and I pretend not to see them too. I become the person who deosnt really care about what are people gonna say about me, and I wish that I can keep on selling my product, and each day, I can make a better one.
