2nd of May, I already broke what I am promises to myself, I repeating the circle, once again. Asking everyone, and rarely finding someone to help. Its Dedy A, who saying he already help and I am no need to repay him back. Its kinda suprise, isnt it ?
In many people eyes, I already losing my good name. Its OK, because it is who I am right now, but doesnt mean its gonna be who am I in future. I dont have a job, I enjoy writing, and I wish that next week I can got the space to selling candle.
Only today and Sunday that I have a chance to pay motorcycle, and if there is gonna be late, I just wish that I can do well by paying event fee in advance. Its hard, to think all about it now, but what can I do ? I made mistake, the same like 5 years and never learn from it.
Isnt it wonderful, that I am still wake up and think a plan to get myself back on track ?
Looking at my mom, she must be very sad to know her kid growing old be like that. Begging people, asking for help and nobody help too.
My dad ? I cant talk to him because he just mad and I already disappointed him more than I can imagine. I dont want to let him know what is going on anymore, that is include my brother too.
I cant deal with more anger and rude word from now.
I miss the day when I have a car. When I can sleep inside while on road, or in rainy day. I really wish that I can buy it again, and mom still with me, so we can enjoy the ride far far away from home.
I really want to make it happen.
When you’re poor, its so normal that nobody was care about you. They ignore you text, especially when you asking for help and borrow some money. It is what it is, isnt it ?
I broke everything that I am promises myself, and here I am, back to zero again.
5 years, and I am not learning ?
If I am gonna be late to pay MCF, I hope that there is no blocking anything. I just wish I can get the spot next week, and hope I can sell well too. I wish nothing but the best and change in my borning month. I cant do it all alone, so I really hope that God always hold me by my right hand.
Begging to O, its not working. Its OK if she not helping, because, who I am back then ?
Its so easy to her, to turn around my life, but .. Yeah, we just different and it would be a really great miracle that ever happen in my life if she does help me.
So, with this little money in my pocket, I really wish that I can really fix my life to be better.
I really, really tired to always sending a text, begging and asking for help.
Whatever it is, may God bless the long road, until I reach the finish line.
