Another day passed again, and I am so thankful because of that. Its kinda much that I get, and I dont know about today. What gonna happen ? Will I stay the same, or I am back to old circle again ?
What is the different ?
This time, when I am force to back to old circle, I am really have nobody anymore. But thanks God, he hold me by my right hand. I dont want to stress much, and I decided to enjoy each day that I have.
If there is someone that gonna ask me,
“Are you fine ?”
I will answer with yes, because I am not gonna spill every sadness about my life anymore. I can write everything down there, and its help me a lot to be better, or to feel better.
I am scare, and I dont know why I ruin my life from the past 5 years until today. Everything have their reason, are they ?
I am stop to talk much with brother, I am not chat with friend because I have no friend anymore.
Being ruin and poor is scariest things than ghost or dead.
How I am gonna make it then ?
Am I gonna make it ?
Honestly, I dont know about it, but one things I believe and keep believe in me is, God bring me and protect me this far, is mean that He not done yet about my life.
How I am gonna get through it ?
I also have no idea, but I keep grow my faith in me, little by little.
I trust that what I need, will be provided to me, in the right time.
It may sound silly, because if you read it and think about that, how it will happen ?
I am jobless, I like to write. I sell candle but not sell any of it. I have a lot of debts I have no friend, and no family that will help me anymore.
I am a liar, and even my brother dont trust me anymore.
How I can survive every of it ?
Dead is more easier than build a living again, isnt it ?
And I am still breathing, still awake in the morning. Still try to fight even there is a real dark turnel. A darkness that I must walk through it, with a light that God give me. I am follow the light and trust in it, no matter how the end will end.
Its impossible, its crazy. But right now, I am just me who walk through it.
I am feel less and less, and I have no idea how each day will passed. I keep believe that I will gett it right and make my parent proud, after everything that I am done.
Today is the last day at MP.
Can I sell something, or cant I ?
Can I get some money, or losing it ?
It is what it is, because I am wreck and mess up person, and God still love me.
