Its Monday, again.
Half of April and Paskah week.
Sunday I am not selling anything at MP, but CFD from Redha help me sell 1 car diffuser. I am thankful for that.
Both Diana and Carla didnt care anymore, for that, I am understand about it. I try to use my last 30USD wisely, and I stop talking about anything, both with bro or dad, or everyone. I am not chatting anybody, I am not post any status on IG and, I just really want to disappears.
Even there is a lot of though to die and give up. Even I cant deal with my past and still grieve and regret a lot of things, somehow I still fighting and dreaming about my future. What its gonna be ?
Could it be good, can I make it ?
God, hold me by my right hand.
I am scare, there is a lot of due coming soon. I cant sleep well because I dont know how to pay off my (friend), even they’re not asking yet, its still torture me as well.
I am jobless and still write because I wanna make a living with it, and I hope I can get some incomeby fx, which the main reason I am losing everything before.
I am wonder, can I make it within 30 ?
Somehow, I still believe that I can. Not because how good I am at that, but because God with me, and He will guide me through it all.
While time pass, I starting to love, really love share what I felt in this. I write down how I spend my day, because I believe there will be a beauty memories in future. How I am strunggle, how I hate my self, and how God save me from all of it.
I heard a word that say like this,
If you still wake up every morning, if you still can sleep every night (I am using sleeping pill), its simply mean that God is not done with you.
Trying to find purpose is hard, regreting the past feel like killing me inside. I am in the momment that I have nothing anymore, I cant go down more than this, and the only way to surviving is going up. As long as God with me, and He hold me by my right hand, somehow I know, that I will surviving this.
