Some people really want to know what I am thinking, what I am been through, and what I am doing. And to be honest, all I am thinking lately is what happen when I drink a lot of xanax ? I am gonna sleep and not wake up again, or I am wake up and half die ?
I mess my life really much, and I am in a momment when I dont know how to get out in this dark turnel anymore. I pray and when I am selling candle at some event, some people say that I am worship a wrong God ?
So, today morning I went to church. I am almost late, or late less than 5 minute. And I got something that really touch my heart and I cry a bit while I am thinking about it too. Yes, this may look like I am ‘lebay’ or overreach, but I honestly cry in church.
When I am feel so hopeless and there is no light. When all I think is like how to end my this mess up life, the life that I am use to love but now I hate it more than I can imagine. God hold tight my hand.
Yes, I got this beauty verse from Holy Bible that completely say,
“Yes, I am always with you. You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.”
When there is nobody was left to help me. I never expect that Fenny really really help me again in morning. Even it just a really little that I have. Even I dont know what will happen next, I know that God hold my hand, really tight.
I am not selling well in this event, but its still 3 day left.
I am not hope anymore from people that I am asking for help, and even that I dont know what may happen next, I just want to enjoy each day that God give to me.
Am I have any plan ? No, I am not.
I got some porridge from a friend that I am join to sell candle, and deep down I know, that I am gonna be OK, even that I have no idea what is gonna happen next.
I just want to keep walking and trust everything in God.
May the rest will be great and bring me into my glory.
