Its Saturday already, the day that more closer from the day I wanna end everything. Its 3 day selling at MP, and I got 180k. I ask around and I got nothing the whole day. Isnt it sad ?
Well, I am done asking.
What gonna happen next ? Nothing.
Its before April 20, because its the day that I must pay inet. When I ask bro for paying, I know he will be rude again. Also cant ask dad.
When I ask Jenny, she tell Ako and many people. Then Ako sending money to dad, which is sad because I am needed it, but since its went to dad, I am not asking too. I am not gonna ask family about it anymore because its sad and painful.
Brother say to me to be honest. When I am honest and wanna borrow little money to pay rent, he refuse. When I telling him how I sell in MP, he tell dad, make dad saying rude word to me when I am home in rainy day. So, I dont think to say anything at all anymore.
Mom is sad things. I love her but I just cant get going in my life. So, I ask her what she gonna do when I am go far far away and she cant follow me ? She say that she can follow me. Isnt it more sad than expected ?
Everyone avoid me, and I know that I am all alone right now. I already ruin my life deep enough, and as human, I dont know how to get out from this. A miracle ? I dont expect anything at all, and all day that I can think is, how I am gonna end my life ?
I have no job, no income and no support anymore. I have no friend to ask for help, no family too. I have nothing to sell, even phone and tab is brother. I dont see how I am gonna turn everything around and make things better anymore.
2020 is the begin of how I start to ruin my life. And maybe, this years I am really wreck and beyond to be fix. Even I know for some people that my problem is nothing big because it is financial issue, but for me .. its already take every peace and joy in my life.
Why I am let this negative thinking win over my positive energy ?
I am so tired, I am shame too. I am shy, I dont know how to respon in anything anymore.
What gonna happen next ? I just … try to life for some more day.
