Time goes so fastly. Dulu mikirnya kalau umur 30 itu bakalan berat, and gak berasa sekarang malah aku hampir berada diangka 33th. Not become more better, I ruin my life pretty much and I doesnt know how to fix it.
Mungkin bagi sebagian orang, apa yang sedang aku alami ini hanyalah hal biasa. But bagiku, ini termaksud berat. Bagi sebagian orang, ini mungkin tidak seberapa. Strunggle orang berbeda, dan masing – masing masalah akan mendewasakan. I felt the pain and I try to live in it.
Yesterday I went out with mom. Its kinda amazing that I am not losing my only 60 usd too.
I dont know about today, because everyday is just another breathing day that I should be thankful for. I sell 90k in MP and hope the last 6 day will sell better.
Mom tell me to not borrow money from other. Aku gak tahu kenapa, rasanya perkataan dia sangat menyakitkan. Memalukan sekali rasanya, and I try to make peace with it. Mom also told me, lets pay them back slowly one by one, and I really hope that I can do it too.
I ruin my life, I am in the place that I know no human will help me anymore. Then I put my everything in God hands. Its so true that real love is only from God and mom. I feel so ashame to always using her as excuse everytime I need a money.
What gonna happen next ?
Idk to be sure but I know that I have my own future.
I am gonna make it, and I will show them that I can beat every pain and overcome it.
I dont know how, but I just believe that I will get through it all.
I am almost 33, I love to write and hope one day I can make money with that.
I am a liar, and I hate it much than people ever think about.
I feel guilty, but I must overcome it too.
Its 60 usd left, and I only have 1 day meal money too.
Can I make it ? I believe that I can overcome it.
I dont know what is gonna happen starting now, after everything, after all shame things that I do too. But I just believe that I am gonna have a wonderful life in future.
Today, I plan to take mom for lunch before going to her check up.
I wish nothing but long live for my parent, and I really wish that in time, I can fix my relations with family too. Especially my brother, that I may hurt the most in my misrable time.
