A day passed again, I am still the same with a hope that everything gonna be better.
I am in a place that no human will gonna help me anymore, and I am also so tired of keep repeating the same circle. Begging for help.
Its hard to understand what is God plan in my life. I keep push myself to trust n it, yet I also ruin my own future again and again. I am lost and I dont know what is real anymore to be told.
Who is there that want to listen, help me and give me hope ?
I pray and only let God know the truth and everything lies below it.
What make me sad more ?
Its my brother. I know that I am really bad and make His sad. Its not what I want, but that time I didnt have any choices.
When I try to open up and be honest, like .. Can I use some money to rent a space ?
He totally not believe in me anymore.
He become rude enough too.
Because I cant repay the 100 ? Because I am selling His phone, or because right now I am using His tab and old phone ?
Because I hurt Him so much ?
I am also hurt but I just dont know what to feel anymore.
Today, Redha ask me to join Her selling item in MP. I am not sure that place gonna sell well, but I am so thankful that I have a chance even its just a little. I also have my last 60 USD, that I hope can do good for me.
Mom is old, dad is old and become rude if there is money issue. Since I cook everyday, He never buy any meat or vegetable anymore. To think that I should buy it in my hard time like this is killing me too. I am in the place thatt no human can help me, because they dont.
When I think about it, I know for sure that 1 rich human can help me out. I am not have that kind of human. So, I put all my future and life in God, because He is everything. He can recover everything, when the time is right.
So, what is gonna happen next ?
I hope that I can keep write about today until the old age.
But, if things goes south, the last time I write will be the last thing that I can do to tell everything about how I felt.
