Its Sunday, and its become the day that I felt doom and also relieve about where I am gonna take my life. I ask for help to my sibling name Jenny. She not reply any of my chat. I have a bad feeling before asking her, but I am still ask her.
What happen ? Yes, like what I am thinking.
She say to her mom, then her mom call my dad.
My dad telling me, asking me to not chat her anymore too.
Its kinda shame, and … am I hate her ?
Not, I am not. I am just wonder why she do that but, it is what it is.
Since it happen, I am decided to not talk to her anymore and wish that I can repay her sooner. As soon as I can.
Its kinda a happy momment to. When I think Fenny may hate me more than anyone, or maybe she wouldnt care about me anymore, she sending me money. Its already some of day passed, and out of blue, she give it to me.
I am a terrible person. I ruin my whole life.
How about my future then ? Its seem like I am not having any future anymore, but .. I just believe that one day I am gonna make it. I am gonna make it, one day.
What I am planning to do ?
I will ask my dad tomorrow, and I must really be wise this time.
No more over, be patient. Make it clean and .. I just want to believe that I am gonna make it out.
I never imagine that Jenny would do that, even my mind know she will do that too.
Its so obvious now for me, that everything is just fake.
A true and real people is not like her. I am gonna repay every cent that she ever gave me.
How I am gonna make it ?
Well, I have no idea but I just trust that I am gonna make it out.
I am so low right now, really low that nobody care about me and help me out anymore.
Am I gonna give it up ?
Satan will say that come to dark room, suicided then is the right choices.
But, how my dad talk to me without raise his voice, and ask me to not chat her anymore mean that he love me.
I make him suffer a lot, my brother too and my mom too.
Right now, I just wish nothing but to repay them.
I will repay everyone, and I will make my parent proud of me.
Its gonna be a long ride, but .
I know that I am not ride this journey alone anymore.
I pray to God and say that whatever happen, I am gonna trust Him.
And what happen now, even my heart is hurt, I know it is all for the best.
I am sick in this circle, I am also mad to myself.
I keep waking up every morning even after take a lot of pill, and I am thankful that I have someone support me. Someone that not have a blood things, and also my dad.
I rarely talk to my dad, and even I took all of his money in the past. I think.. He will be the person who help me.
I may be shy and ashame, a lot.
But from this, I know that God really try to fix my problem and issue with my dad.
I am gonna make it.
I am gonna make it good and better.
He is out now, and I know that he may sad.
But in the end, I am gonna make it.
