How I write this one ? I dont know. Am I even a human ?
I dont want to run away from home, and all I can do is stay out as long as I can until I can buy a new phone. Can I do that ? My only wish is that I am not make my brother mad and disappointed anymore.
I am scare each day, should I ?
I really wish that in 10 day I can get the new phone. Since I decided to sell it but I just losing all the money in 2 day. I am losing hope, planning to end my life and here I am now, still write about today.
Dad is back from Selat, its feel good because I have a help. I losing everything before 10pm yesterday and once again, I try to ask help and borrow some money. I dont hope much for sure, but.. the people that I think will not help, helping me a lot, and since then we had a chat.
She say to me that not need to worry and hurry in payback. All I need is to let her know if I cant pay sooner. Aku berasa heran sekaligus terharu, kenapa ketika aku benar – benar sudah kehilangan harapan, aku kembali mendapatkan bantuan, yang menurutku tidak pantas lagi aku dapatkan ?
2 people help me, even I am not expecting that. I am thankful and I really hope that I can be wise, a real wise to fx all of this. And I really hope that I can buy the new phone sooner and wish I am not disappointed brother anymore.
Hari pertama puasa, sejak aku membiasakan diri membawa mamaku keluar 2 hari terakhir, dia mulai mudah diajak mengunakan pampers. Its help a lot, setidaknya aku jadi tidak perlu terlalu ke wc saat berada diluar rumah bersamanya.
She had a little tantrum after dad is back home. Kadang aku emosi ketika menghadapi moodnya yang berubah dengan cepat, dan terkadang, aku membentaknya. Jujur aku merasa bersalah akan hal tersebut and all I try is to fix it.
Mungkin, ini yang dinamakan dengan depresi bukan ?
I try to deal with everything, my worries, my dream, my fear.
Dear God, I dont know what your plan in my life, but I really want to believe in you.
I really dont want to make my brother sad and mad and disappointed. Just that.
I hope March will give me all the good. Thanks God, for every unexpected love and help that you give me from people that I dont even dare to think about.
Thanks God, for everything in my life.
