Some day passed, nothing special happen except the same mistake that I am make again and again.
Well, am I gonna stay the same and hardly to breath each day ?
Or can I be better and fix my problem ?
I am wonder, how I can teach myself to never repeat the same mistake again ?
Each day passed, I have a lot of plan and everything just become a mess because I keep repeat the same mistake again and again, until I dont know which is good or bad anymore. I didnt get any purpose to continue this living, and all I hope is how this circle will end so I can rebuild myself again.
I think too much, even other people dont do the same. Its torture me a lot, because I dont like what happen and what I am doing. I try to survive, I try to fix everything, and yes I keep repeat the mistake that bring me back to zero. I am so tired and wanna stop but didnt find a way out.
I often ask myself, kapan terakhir kali aku merasa bahagia ?
Kapan terakhir kali aku bener bener gak memikirkan apapun dan menikmati hidupku seperti sebelumnya ?
Its been 5 years, and I keep back into step zero. More I try, more I sink deeper and deeper.
Pray is not like, today pray and tomorrow all my problem is gone. Its like how I can finding peace in it without any worries. I know that for sure, but as human, I keep thinking about it because its just not like me. I hate it, and I wanna make it clear as soon as I can so I can stressless and be more alive.
People may see me stupid, some of them will say I am crazy. I just keep trying and keep repeat the mistake, and I dont know how to stop. Is stop gonna make a better me ?
If I continue learning and keep trying, is this gonna help me out in future ?
I often ask myself, am I doing the right things ?
After I spend everything that I have, do a lot of sinful things just because I wanna to keep trying. Is that gonna be alright in the end ?
I dont know because I am so tired in everything. I keep trying and trying and if I cannot fix my problem with the last things that I have. I dont know anymore.
I dont have any support, and it is just me, who sit in there everyday, write down how I feel and try to get some penny to continue living.
Whatever happen, let it happen.
I am just, really tired of everything that happen, because more I try and hope to fix it, I know that I am only make things worse each day.
I am shy, I dont get out from home too.
All I wanna do is stay at home, staring in my sad life with a hope that I have a chance to fix it all and make it better.
So, its what its. The whole story is a same like before. I think I just keep repeating each day with the same problem without knowing how it is gonna end.
Or … It is just the end of my horrible life ?
