How to explain all my feeling ?
The feeling that I keep deep inside and never let anyone know the true about how I am really feel ?
Day by day passed, everything is still the same.
Same work, same problem and some new friend.
My mom is getting older and older, day by day.
Didn’t know how to explain it but I did know for sure that she is not the same anymore.
She start to forget small things around her and blame other people for everything that happen to her.
She just…. didn’t like her self anymore.
She have a same problem, forget her money, forget her phone and forget what she eat.
She start to blame and blame and repeat and repeat same story each day without tired.
I keep trying to understand and telling her that everything will be OK, but how she blame other people is just not make any sense anymore.
It was sad, it was madness and it was pain.
Try to be patient, she never want to listen what we gonna say.
She always think she was right, but everything is just wrong.
She mad when we telling the true, she mad when we say that she was wrong.
How long I can still standing here and listen all of that ?
Its feel never end because everyday, things is getting more complicated.
More I try to understand, more it hard to accept.
Try to be kind and let every word she say gone, but it stay in the heart.
Try to ignore her when she repeat a same things, but she just around and keep saying the same.
What different then ?
She become a stranger to me.
She become a totally different person, day by day.
She start to forget important things and always remember a bad one.
She become weird, get manipulate by her own memories.
She become someone that I didn’t know my whole life.
Try to keep all the pain inside, didn’t know how to explain it.
Every time I try to telling her the true, she getting mad and say it would be OK if she didn’t have kid.
It was sad, it was pain and it was madness.
Everything is inside my mind and I just didn’t know how to explain it anymore.
Pretend to didn’t know, pretend not to listen.
Keep all the opinions inside my mind, because I don’t want to make her mad.
She getting old and older, and I am still me.
Try really hard to keep all the pain, sad and madness inside my mind.
