It been a long time that I never update anything in this part. I don’t want to remember anything because all I feel is pain. It never get better but worse. Each day is the same with a lot of bad fight and all I feel is pain and hurt.
Mom always talking about dad that having affair. Which I didn’t know is that true or not.
I have a lot of problem to solve and now I didn’t get a chances to leave my home. I can’t live in there any longer because each day feel like hell to me. I have a complete family, with dad and mom and brother but all I feel is empty.
My parent always fight because mom have her delucions and dad can’t tolerant it anymore.
Brother ? Just pretend to be OK but I know he must feel the same about me.
If I am gonna lie again, I would say that I have a perfect family. A happy family that spend a time together and a family that will look out for each other. But, if people ask me to be honest right now, I would say all of it is just on my mind because I never felt that way. I never have family dinner and when I am having a problem, there is no one that will listen to me.
Mom is getting worse. I don’t know what happen to be sure but I know everyday was the same for her.
She talking a lot, she say dad having bla bla bla and then dad would be mad and the fight will happen. After that, she would mad and say everything is because our neighbour and I just didn’t know how to get rid about it anymore.
I am all alone and I know other kid would be not face the same as I am. It would be great if my parent get divorce, better than I must hear all the fight everyday without stop.
It is painfull and it is bad for my mind. I just hate it and I really want to get rid of it.
I wish everything will be different but it seem impossible for me. Since my mom get out from hospital, everything just feel different. I love her but that is nothing I can do to make her be better. I am going to be crazy and I feel all the pain inside my heart. Didn’t know how to get rid of all the feeling.
As you read it, you may think that I am stupid. Sharing what happen in my blog and let everybody know ?
Well, at least I am try to keep insane. Sharing in this blog make me feel better because I know that I have some place to talk even nobody will read or listen to me.
In people eyes, I am just a perfect girl, with perfect job and happy life but nobody really looking what is inside of myself, how it feel to be ME.
I am sad, I keep all the pain and I am mad to myself.
I made a lot of problem, try to figure it out by my self because I know that deep down, I have nobody to count into. I am just me and I try as hard as I can to still be me. It never be easy but I must allow my heart feel some peace so I can stay happy.
I never hate my parent but I hate where I am stand. I didn’t know what I am doing and that doesn’t matter because that is not like I am not grateful for what I have.
I just need a family, a place that I can grow and be more me.
