My whole life is a drama. I never telling the truth to people.
I never trust anyone to know my real story and I am so good at it.
Pretend everything, make everything perfect but deep inside, I am broke.
Putting on the wall. I didn’t want to hurt myself.
Nobody will understand and nobody will care if they know the true.
They just wanna to listen and they not understand how it feel like to be me.
I always wearing my mask. I wear it everywhere and its so hard to put it off.
When I show the real me, people will go away. They will look me different and laugh at me behind my back.
It much easier to telling the lie, nobody ask and I dont need to answer any questions.
I share in this special page because I am so damn mad.
I am mad to myself, I am mad to anyone around me.
Writing it down is much easier. I dont need to explain and people can judge by the word.
I dont care like nobody care.
I always have a perfect life. I am happiest person on earth and I had a perfect family.
This is who I am and that is the story you gonna take if you meet me in person.
I have a job, I pay my bill and I eat 3 times a day.
I sleep well and I have a friend. I also write a blog to keep me insane.
That is the story and that is how you see me this whole time.
I am laugh, I am being kind and I have a perfect life.
Who want to be me ?
I never have any problem in my life.
Everything just perfect. Because I create it.
In the night, I sit alone.
I am write and smoke to release some stress.
I cook for my own self, sometimes I buy food for the whole family.
I always doing that because there is no food in the table.
I have a complete family with mom, dad and brother.
But, I am all alone in the whole day.
Nobody cook, nobody do anything because they just wait.
Wait until I am going out or order something.
They are busy. With the drama and their phone.
I live with family but I am all alone.
I work, pay my own bill and food. In the same roof.
But, I never felt how warm the family is.
Parent who always fight and wondering around at midnight.
Brother who is play game all day and do nothing plus waiting for food in the table ?
I am mess but you know ?
I have a perfect life.
I have a perfect life because I am good at pretending.
I can create a lot of happy story that you wanna hear and I can act like I am the happiest person in the earth.
I never have a problem because I never told anyone.
I keep everything inside and I put my mask on my face.
People never see me cry.
I never show it to anybody because I am good on silent cry.
I never mess around and I am really great at story.
I just give what people wanna to hear because I never want to show my real life. I don’t want to show my weakness because I am not that kind of person.
You can call me a liar.
You can call me whatever you wanted.
Because you never know me at all.
You may think you know who I am, but how I felt ?
You have no idea about it.
I love my mom.
She is the one who keep me insane but I am lose my insanity right now because all of the drama.
I know that is on her mind and not real. But the fact is, what I hear and saw everyday was real.
I don’t need boy or man because I survive it long enough.
I have them but I never feel it. I am on my own since I was a kid. So my mom too.
People have no idea about me.
I am full of secret because my real life is full of shit.
If someone read this, I am so happy because now they know that this whole time, I always telling them the story that have a happy ending. It just my mask. I put a different mask in different person face. Nobody know how I feel, a real feeling.
I am OK and I am enjoy myself this way.
I am not trust people because I know that people only love the story. Not to give it a hand and help.
Sometimes, they laugh behind our back.
Sometimes, the put some sugar on the story.
Telling the lies didn’t hurt me.
If the lies hurting you, then just walk away.
I am not artist but I love pretended.
I keep all my wound for myself and I hurt myself to get rid of it.
You never see it, you never feel it.
I write it down, can be the real and also the lie.
Never trust whatever it is because you never break my wall.
I create my own world.
I play it over and over and over while I am alone or driving.
I enjoy my own world because I can be whatever I wanna be. Even I know that I may not be on that in real life.
Its keep me insane this whole time.
If I accept the reality, I will end up in asylum.
I will kill because I cannot take it more longer.
So, I putting my mask on and pretend.
I always like that since I was a kid because I have nothing to tell.
I am not proud of myself but I still live that way.
Its help me a lot. People around me are happy. I am happy.
Nobody get hurt, why not ?
This is the real me.
A woman who love to pretend and putting on mask.
I am good at story and I will tell you everything that you like to listen.
Never trust me to much.
This post also can be a lies too.
This is who I am.
This is how I deal with all my pain and demon.
I put them in the cage because I putting my real side in a prison.
Are you doing the same right now ?
