My mom always telling me the story that I think she was stupid or just want to scare me. She always tell me that as a poor people, you not really have a friend and all you do is only working and keep survive.
I never believe that word until today. Its not because I getting hurt, but it happen just like what she said.
Its hard to find someone who wanna be with us when they know how bad and poor we are. Memiliki teman dikala kehidupan baik itu sungguh mudah rasanya. But, when we are on the bottom line, actually, we didn’t have any friend and they all stay away. Yang kamu anggap paling baik sekalipun bakalan menghindari kamu ketika kamu tidak memiliki apapun.
So often people say that they care about us no matter what. They never leave us and they will always be there to support us.
In fact, when things get harder, they just leave or being busy. Really ! They act like a shit and you will realize that you’re really on your own.
A ex, or bestfriend (I think), is doing the same for me. I may lose a lot of money on my fx trying to living. But, when we get out for lunch, after I pick her up and went to eat something. I joking with her saying that I am not having money. Say she must pay and she really decline it. And what is hurt is when we order.
Sejujurnya sih dia gak pernah bangat suruh aku bayar duluan pesananku. Alasannya dia mau check applikasi dan menurut dia itu biasa aja. Maybe I am become sensitive and say a stupid word but I try to be honest because it hurt me. Gak pernah bangat dia suruh aku bayar dulu then she order after me and pay her own. I dont know why that happen but now I know that people around me just a shit trash.
I am not okay to prentend that I am OK any longer. I choose to say whatever in my mind and that is it. After that momment, I bring her back home without any word and now I am sitting in somewhere, order my black coffee and continue writing on my blog,
Its just… sad for me.
I know that I am having a hard time right now but to think she is the one who make everything more harder ? It’s just hurt a lot.
I do some shitting things to keep survive, I have a hard time and try to look OK. And I really didn’t need any more shit friend in my life. Everyone is shit for me just like who I am to them. So, that is fair enough because all I need to do is keep live my shitty life !
I really cant wait next years, when I finally get away from this city. I dont plan anything can be easy but I really hope I can be more my self than this whole life that I already spend and been through.
I dont know where I wanna be, what I wanna be and I just want to spend all my day and imaginations into my work of writing.
This is a disappointed momment and make me cry a while when I am on my way.
So, I really dont wanna care about people anymore.
I will do whatever it take to make me keep alive and survive !
Life is shit ! And more people I know just make that shit become hell.
