What happen when we die ?
So often I question this one in my head but I didnt find the answer ‘yet’
Of course ! Because I am still alive even I am now like a zombie who walking around and wondering about future.
I never been so sick for a long time but this years, I suffer a cold, fever and flu almost 1 month until this post was published (I am still sick!)
I starting to lose smell of things and everything I eat just sweat and I can’t feel anything else.
I already get vaccinated 2 times but that is not mean I am well enough or can’t get into Covid-19.
I wish I didn’t but what I feel right now is kinda like that.
I am bit scare because I am living with 2 parent. They are old and almost in their 70.
I didn’t sign my self up for check and I didn’t want to make sure of it because I don’t know how to pay it if I got positive on that virus either.
Feeling half alive, I still breath and I eat really bad. I don’t each much and I only eat because my stomach feel hungry.
Is that the end ?
Is that what they called half alive ?
This virus went world wide almost 2 years and we still fight on it.
I prefer to sit alone and drink my coffee alone too.
I am not going out with friend and I didn’t tell anybody how I feel until I make a post in this blog too.
Is that a shame ?
Is that really bad ?
Or like mama said, I just get fever like before ?
What happen if I die without knowing it ?
Like someone come and kill me and nobody found my body ?
Am I meeting God ?
Or I went to hell as well ?
I still smoke my vape and drink coffee like nothing happen to me.
Even I am worried about myself, I keep going and drink Vit C everyday.
More I drink, more I know that it wouldn’t help me as well.
So, what happen to me if I am not check it out ?
Sometimes, It feel pretty good when I can’t smell everything well.
When I can’t feel a things in momment and I just sitting alone spending my afternoon for watching and writing.
It’s feel so DAMN great because I don’t want to know what will happen to me in the next day.
Like I am start not to worried about future too.
I planned to quit my job after spending 8 years+ and have nothing in return.
I start to make a plan to go solo on travel even I didn’t sure how I can get money if I am not working anymore.
I think that I can make it and keep being alive and make any plan ahead start from now.
Well, I will share my adventure in next years and I really looking foward to that plan.
I will make that happen even I am pretty scare to sleep alone in night / in hotel room.
I may not know what I am gonna do when I am on board of travel.
But, as long as I have independency in my self, I can make it and everything will be alright ?
Am I scare to meet stranger ?
Am I scare to being rape in my travel ?
Am I scare to get lose ?
All my life is fear and now it is a time to set my monster free.
Going far…
Far away….
And find who I really am !
Damn, I am scare but I am also so exicted to do that sooner.
I really wish that I can end and quit my fu**ng job and really begin my adventure.
Of course, everything will happen when I am out of my comfort zone.
But hell yeah !
Let’s do it and find our self !
