I Broke My Own Life

Well, it was predictable, only last 1 or 2 day and everything will be gone again like usually.
What is wrong with me, or does it even matter at all ?
Saying bye to all $300 and all the saving that I just had, isnt it funny ?

Seeing parent keep getting old, while my life is keep ruining by myself because of greedy or stupidity.
Somehow, I think this is because what I do to other people, when I ruin their life, so I got it back to me as well.

Working as scammer, ruin many people life and ruin my life as well.
I just didnt want to keep add up some amount in my debts, and the more I want to fix it, the more I ruin it over and over again.

So, does it matter ?
Lets see with this $40 last and some 150k cash in pocket, can I make it until I get salary again ?
A bit thankful that I pay some loan before due date and the rest ? I have no idea about it too.

Can I make it for 20 day until 15 within 500k in all of my saving at the age of 34.5 ?